Sorry for the delay. But I didn't wanna just push out some b.s. on something so serious. (yeah, right, lol)
The second reason I would have to associate with black men cheating is self-esteem. Let's not confuse self-esteem with swagger, confidence or conceit. Those three are personality or surface traits. Things that can be turned off or on when necessary. Self-esteem goes deeper. How you view yourself speaks into what motivates you when nobody's looking. It's a character trait. It's the reason why even the most beautiful women can feel bad about their looks or feel insecure. This is a main area that black men are especially good at masking. We are very good at playing it like we have high self-esteem when deep down we are dealing with all kinds of insecurities. "Do I look good enough", "do I make enough money", "do I dress nice enough", etc. And within the black community there are several catalyst for opening up these insecurities.
Our culture focuses and puts so much emphasis on materialism, cultivating your outward appearance, and sexual prowess. Look at the music which has in the past and currently represents our community. It constantly focuses on how good you should make love to your woman (with r&b) and how many different "hoes" you have and how much of a pimp you are (with rap). This will put a lot of pressure on a man (from personal experience, sheesh ladies, lol). So many black men are going to use their skill in the bedroom as a measure for their self-esteem. Unfortunately, you can't get an accurate measure without testing it on different women. So what you get is a man who's constantly reassuring himself by how many women he can sleep with and how good they tell him he is in bed, even if the main one he is involved with constantly reassures him of this. As far as he's concerned, she's saying that because she loves him and wants to reassure him. His "swagger", his "confidence" is all manufactured to give the appearance of someone with high self-esteem and also because its part of the game. We already know that women are attracted to "confidence" and "swagger". Therefore, those surface traits that we know help us get women are the same ones that we use against women in an effort to make us feel better about ourselves.
I could probably write 10 more pages on this, but I think you understand what I'm talking about. Men are not going to cry or display emotion about our insecurities. We're going to mask them in ways that help us forget. And nothing makes you feel better about yourself than knowing that you can "bag up" any woman you want. You must be the man. Think about it. It occupies so much of our conversation when men get together. It what our music concentrates on. Unfortunately, its what our value system is based on.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
This is it!!!! WHY BLACK MEN CHEAT.....PART 1
This is it!!!! WHY BLACK MEN CHEAT.....PART 1
A complicated question deserves a complicated answer. So I had to split this blog into 3 parts and even those 3 parts still won't and couldn't possibly cover everything. Also, this is just an attempt at identifying "why". How to prevent cheating is almost an impossible dream and entirely dependent on the individual. But here's my stab at why black men cheat.
The main reason I would associate with it is Power. Here are some dictionary meanings to the word "power".
1. ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
2. the possession of control or command over others; authority; ascendancy: power over men's minds.
3. a person or thing that possesses or exercises authority or influence.
Among the physical and psychological needs to eat, breathe, security, fulfillment, and growth is a human need for power. It is ones innate desire to feel in control of their environment and to have an immediate effect on their situation. Sometimes this involves controlling or being in a position of authority over others. And whether this need for power is exerted positively or negatively greatly depends on the individual's personal experiences and background. This feeling of power can come from any area and to satisfy it all an individual has to have is the ability to exert that power. To understand how this relates to cheating, we have to look at the Black Man's need for power and how it can be manifest.
In today's world, specifically white America, Black Men are not empowered, or at least, not made to feel like they are empowered. We're made to feel like we're not in control of our job situation, our education, and our government. (This is very intentional, I would invite everyone to read "The Willie Lynch Papers" and see how slavery was intentionally and purposely devised to emasculate the black man). Even within the black family black men are rarely seen as the leaders with "Big Mamas" and "Nanas" being the strong ones and focal points.
So with all these areas basically negating the black man's power, there is one area where he is in full control. His sexuality. His ability to charm and attract women is directly associated with his need for power. His manipulation over women is directly related with his strength, his prowess, his "ability to do or act; accomplish something". Look at our music. Look at our culture. Black men pride themselves on how much they are "good lovers" and how many women they get and the physical quality of those women. This is constantly reasserted and any comments made to detract from that is directly related to his "manhood", his stature, his POWER.
Because society has taken power from him, the black man seeks to exert is elsewhere, in the area that he has the most control over, who he sleeps with and how often. Could this be directly linked to the black man's self-esteem? Stay tuned for Part 2.
A complicated question deserves a complicated answer. So I had to split this blog into 3 parts and even those 3 parts still won't and couldn't possibly cover everything. Also, this is just an attempt at identifying "why". How to prevent cheating is almost an impossible dream and entirely dependent on the individual. But here's my stab at why black men cheat.
The main reason I would associate with it is Power. Here are some dictionary meanings to the word "power".
1. ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
2. the possession of control or command over others; authority; ascendancy: power over men's minds.
3. a person or thing that possesses or exercises authority or influence.
Among the physical and psychological needs to eat, breathe, security, fulfillment, and growth is a human need for power. It is ones innate desire to feel in control of their environment and to have an immediate effect on their situation. Sometimes this involves controlling or being in a position of authority over others. And whether this need for power is exerted positively or negatively greatly depends on the individual's personal experiences and background. This feeling of power can come from any area and to satisfy it all an individual has to have is the ability to exert that power. To understand how this relates to cheating, we have to look at the Black Man's need for power and how it can be manifest.
In today's world, specifically white America, Black Men are not empowered, or at least, not made to feel like they are empowered. We're made to feel like we're not in control of our job situation, our education, and our government. (This is very intentional, I would invite everyone to read "The Willie Lynch Papers" and see how slavery was intentionally and purposely devised to emasculate the black man). Even within the black family black men are rarely seen as the leaders with "Big Mamas" and "Nanas" being the strong ones and focal points.
So with all these areas basically negating the black man's power, there is one area where he is in full control. His sexuality. His ability to charm and attract women is directly associated with his need for power. His manipulation over women is directly related with his strength, his prowess, his "ability to do or act; accomplish something". Look at our music. Look at our culture. Black men pride themselves on how much they are "good lovers" and how many women they get and the physical quality of those women. This is constantly reasserted and any comments made to detract from that is directly related to his "manhood", his stature, his POWER.
Because society has taken power from him, the black man seeks to exert is elsewhere, in the area that he has the most control over, who he sleeps with and how often. Could this be directly linked to the black man's self-esteem? Stay tuned for Part 2.
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