The 5 Things I Hate the Most

So my new job allows me so much more time to be cynical and over-analytical of every little thing that goes on around me and therefore I decided to start a blog. I hope that on a regular basis I can make it entertaining, enjoyable, insightful or just an excellent waste of 10 minutes of your time. (yes, I expect you to devote at least 10 minutes to it). While at the risk of being wordy, here is a short list of 5 things I hate the most. Please feel free to comment:

5) Baby Mamas - these broads are a coalition of evil that inspires North Korea, Iraq and Sprint. They are the most hateful and vindictive brand of woman and rarely is there a reasonable one in the bunch. Women that you once thought were sweet, loving, caring and understanding become the most scorned and vengeful bitches in the world the minute that they realize that men are not going to be super nice to them anymore when they're not fuckin' them.

4) Musicians Who Thank God When Getting An Award When All They Do Is Sinful Sh!t – Rappers should be immediately exempt from thanking God when they get an award. How in the hell can you make a record glorifying drug selling, drug use, violence, fornication, violence, misogony, disrespect for your elders, drug selling, and violence and then turn around and thank God? Sorry Jeezy, but while HE may co-sign your president being black, I don’t think HE’s co-signing your cocaine being white.

3) Clorox 2 – that shit doesn’t do shit to your colors and its virtually useless on your whites. False advertising like a muhfucka. I could’ve used that 4.59 on some Brats or heavy duty plastic plates that would’ve served more of a purpose than thinking everytime I take my clothes out the washer “Is this more bluer than it was when it went in?” If anybody notices the difference in their clothes I need before and after pics.

2) Hatin’ Ass Co-Workers – is there almost anything in life, other than baby muthas, that makes your everyday life most unlivable. These are individuals that use every opportunity to complain, blame, degrade, upset, criticize, whine, nitpick and generally make your workday as unbearable as possible with their complete and utter discontent with their own lives. And somehow no matter how cool you try to be, you still managed to get sucked into their whirlpool of pessimism and destruction. If you don’t see this at your job, then that means this paragraph was for you you hatin’ ass bastard/bitch.

1) MetroPCS – ok, so maybe this let’s people know that either my phone credit is not good enough for a Sprint or Verizon phone or that I’m just very ghetto and like the idea of paying $50 a month for unlimited everything (provided I never leave the city, which I don’t unless I’m on vacation and if I’m on vacation I don’t want you fuckin’ calling me anyway). But the bill payment people are the most unforgiving bastards in history. While I understand that there is no grace period, there is also no paper bill. So there are time where you may forget that your bill was due on the 11th as opposed to the 12th or 13th. Minor oversight. Understand that it also varies a day or two every month which they notify you via text message which undoubtedly gets deleleted just after the “Jesus’ Moneybags, send to 10 people” text. However, I am positive that an ex-girlfriend that we may have had a particularly bad breakup works for this company and keeps my picture, with several push pin holes thru my face in it as well as several obsenities scribbled randomly on it, in her cube with my due date right next to it. I am imagining her diligently performing a New Years Eve style countdown right as 12:01am hits on the 12th and I am mid-sentence as she goes “Fuck that, you punk ass niggah, if you ain’t calling me, you won’t be calling nobody you non-bill paying mutha fucka”…disconnect. The reason why I hate Metro is because everybody else that I know that has a Metro has never had this happen to them. I have several friends who have had their phones on almost a full week passed their due date with no disconnection. Metro WTF?

Well, that’s just the start. I promise not to be so cynical and mean about everything if yall promise to actually read it and comment intelligently. :P


Cashmere the PROfessional aka RJ
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